We all want to live in a clutter-free environment. But it is the emotional attachments to our stuff that prevent us from clearing the clutter from our homes.
How do I know this?
I was emotionally attached to my stuff –
this was the main barrier preventing me from decluttering my own home.
I started to do some
research on “why I was finding it so hard to part with my stuff” I came across
a number of recurring themes. However, I
am aware that not everyone approaches decluttering in the same way and not
everyone faces the same obstacles I am sure that you can relate to some if not
all of these themes.
Let me be clear - I
am not perfect, I am not a minimalist and I certainly don't claim to have all
the answers. In fact, I occasionally hold onto things for far too long (my
craftroom is the prime example – I think this is the room that ticks all of the
boxes).
So, let’s get on to
try and tackle those Clutter Problems.
1 - Sentimental Value
The number one reason
why people struggle to discard clutter is that an item had sentimental value. The first thing to consider is what is
forcing you to discard it.
If you have room
for it in your home and can access it frequently to help you remember that
wonderful and special memory, it is not clutter. It does not correspond to the
definition of clutter. Instead, this
object is cherished, and it has a place in your home – so keep it guilt-free.
The real issue
arises when there are too many items with sentimental value competing for space
and attention. If that's the case, you'll have to make some difficult decisions
about what is most special because, realistically, you only have so much space
and attention.
This is where, in
my opinion, tough love comes into play. If it's not important enough for you to proudly
display or keep in a special place you can access frequently, and you don't
find yourself thinking about it for months on end, it's probably not as
sentimental as you think.
2 - It was a gift
Many people are
hesitant to declutter gifts received from friends and family, whether they like
or want the gift or not, regardless of whether they have room for it.
The main reason for
keeping it is to avoid upsetting the gift giver's feelings. That is something I
completely understand. I don't want you to hurt anyone's feelings if possible.
However, if that
gift alone, or in a mixture with other things, is making you frustrated
about your home because it is so cluttered, you must address the issue.
The important thing
to remember is to keep your feelings about the person separate from the object
itself. Deal with each issue separately.
Just because you no longer wish to keep the item, doesn’t mean that you
no longer wish to keep the friendship.
The way that I see
it is: The person gave you a gift out of love, and they would not want you to
keep hold of that item if they knew it was causing your stress and anxiety. They would rather you discard that item, and
be more at peace than keep it because it was a gift.
3 - Letting Go of The Dream
This is a tough
one. There are certain items in a
person's home that represent a dream, by dream I mean how they would like to perceive
themselves, and they don't want to give up.
For instance, someone – (may be its me), might not want to get rid of a lot of craft supplies I haven't used in years because it reminds me of a number of things :
I don't have the
time, sometimes I don’t have the motivation, do those crafts that I had hoped I
could do… Fantasy Dawn would love to sit in her beautifully clutter-free
organised craftroom – making cards for every occasion that comes around. But real life Dawn, has a home to run, a
family to care for and a serious addiction to true crime videos on Youtube. But
that aside, nobody likes to admit that they failed to realise a dream, whether
it was due to failure because of time pressures or simply making the decision
to take a different course of action.
But if you realise that this is the root cause of stopping you from moving on in the decluttering process, you can achieve significant progress. It will allow you to deal with your feelings, move on, and then you’re ready discard the physical stuff.
And let me tell
you, there is nothing more liberating than discarding the things that don’t fit
with the way the real you lives your life.
It can also help you feel the peace by removing a layer of guilt - like
not using that uber-expensive craft machine, which sits there looking at me – it’s
like a reminder of how much I have failed.
Why should I feel like a failure just because I have decided that card-making
is not a journey I wish to continue? It’s
time to thank it for the use I have had from it – and discard it – safe in the
knowledge that someone else will use it.
4. I Spent a Lot of Money on That.
Moving on to
emotional issues regarding money. I’m
sure a number of you can relate to this.
Money is tight for many of us, including my family, Who can blame people
for worrying about it in this economy? When money is tight and you are watching
every penny, the idea of selling an expensive item you recently purchased may
seem absurd.
But bear in mind - that keeping the item won't return the money
we spent on the item —this is something we all need to accept. We have already
spent the money– it is gone. Just because
something was expensive doesn’t mean it is actually useful to us.
Ok, we may have spent
our money unwisely in the past, but we can’t undo what we have already done. Clutter itself costs money, along with taking
a toll on you emotionally and pinching you of time, so keeping items that are
clutter just because they cost us a lot of money in the past doesn't solve the
problem.
Think about it - you
have to spend time maintaining, cleaning, insuring, and storing clutter, in
addition to paying for the space, it takes up in your home.
It all comes down
to accepting that not everything maintains a high value over time and forgiving
yourself for prior financial mistakes. By accepting these realities, you'll be
able to move past the associated emotions and discard the item without feeling
bad. Isn’t it better to get a little bit of money back into your pocket and have
the space – rather than no money and no space?
Use this as a
learning curve for next time. Make your purchases
intentional rather than impulsive. Do
you really need that new sparkling cutting machine, when you have two that do a
similar job? This will not only save you
from filling up your space in record time – but will save you money on
purchases that you don’t really need.
5 - I might need it Someday.
What if I need this
someday? Or the “Justin Caser” is a common when they are trying to declutter
their homes. There is the an old saying that goes, "If you haven't needed it in
the last year or two, you probably won't need it again.". I wholeheartedly agree with that wise advice.
But I'm not sure
that takes into account the psychological and emotional feelings toward some of
your items. Rather than simply wanting to amass a large collection of possessions,
I believe it stems from a primal fear of not having enough. – It is like an anxiety
- that you don't trust yourself or others to take care of you in the future.
This is where the 20/20 rule of decluttering
comes into play. Using this rule, could
silence some of that anxiety you have.
But ultimately, there
comes a point and a time when you have to take a leap of faith and trust in
yourself and your loved ones to help you with things, rather than thinking
you're all on your own with no resources or skills.
6 - It's So Messy, I don’t know
where to begin - So I Won't even Start.
This was my nemesis
.. this is the one I was stuck on for far too long. When we think of the project ahead, it can be
very overwhelming, and sometimes we can’t seem to get over the enormity of the
job, so we stay stuck, doing nothing. It’s
not because we are lazy – not by any chalk of the imagination, it’s much harder
to keep stuff-shuffling to clean than it is if we less stuff – so I KNOW it’s
not laziness.
When we're stressed
out, many of us don't even want to start because the task seems too overwhelming.
That emotion is one that I completely comprehend. Hey, don’t forget I have been there. I know
that feeling of being torn because you really really want to get on top of it,
but you literally just don’t know where to start. Your mind is going 100 miles
per hour when you look at your mountains of stuff, you feel sick at the thought
and you feel that crushing feeling in your chest – but in the end, you become so
paralysed that you don’t do anything.
After falling down
the rabbit hole of overcoming those feelings – partly to learn how to
personally overcome it and partly to stop looking at the mess I was surrounded
by. I have discovered that the majority
of the advice pointed to dividing large tasks into manageable pieces in order
to make them seem less stressful and more feasible.
So I gave it a go,
and slowly but surely, I started working through my clutter – bit by bit –
drawer by drawer, cupboard by cupboard, room by room.
You know what – It works.
IT REALLY WORKS!!! I can’t take credit for
this approach – but I can tell you no matter how bad you think your whole house
is – don’t think of it as a whole house. Do as I did… Drawer by drawer – So what
if it takes you longer than a whole weekend? So what if it’s not Pinterest-worthy?
You know what, at the end of the year you will be where you want to be.
PLEASE PLEASE
PLEASE don’t despair – You can do this – You can live in the home that you want
to live in. I hate the thought of you
living miserably like I did for so many years.
Just remember drawer by drawer.
Do you find
yourself resonating with any of these emotions?
Are they holding you back from living your best clutter-free life?
Leave me a message
in the comments below, since if you feel that way, I know others may have too.